A Hamilton Birthday
October 2019
Have had a fabulous fall, Hamilton for my Birthday, French Macarons from the local patisserie! Learning to make them for myself (priceless). Sorry, I have been away, work and life have intruded upon my writing and there was the NaNoWriMo that sort of happened, one chapter completed. So there was all that.
Am finally in a place in my life where all the loss I have been through is not weighing me down anymore. It has been a long, very long, very hard road to here. Anyone who says grief is fast, or easy, or has a timetable, is, well, unaware of what it is like in the trenches.
A co-worker just lost her brother in an accident and she was surprised it came in waves, just when you think you’re fine, boom, you’re back in it and sometimes deeper than before. I told her, Grief is a process, it is not a destination, it is the journey, and spoiler alert, there is no end to it. You think you are over it, or at least beyond it and something reminds you and you’re weeping buckets over song, movie character, whatever it is, there you are, back in it. Then it passes, you move on and there you are.
I tell people, you miss them, you grieve them as hard as you love them because now you think your love has no place to go anymore, but it does, and once you get to that, it gets better, but the scar is always there, Always. Just get used to it and life will be fine.
For me, it has been a hard, hard decade, yes Decade. I lost my Dad 10 years ago to cancer that ate him alive. Then I lost a beloved Aunt 3 years later and then my Mother/Monster two years later, then two years after that, my Father passed several months after I had to put our 13-year-old cat down. Let’s just say, I am good for a while. Wish it was that easy, it isn’t, but you know, wouldn’t it be great if you could get a pass for a bit, take a break, but it isn’t like that when you care when you love, when you let your heart care, grief is the price you pay for that.
You will get through it, it won’t go to plan, it won’t go as fast as you think it should, but eventually, it won’t reduce you to tears on a regular basis.
