Future Fairy Tales for an Internet Age

One day, I received a DM on the Insta. Knowing that most DMs, unsolicited are scammers trying to get your money in some way, I decided to play. They asked to take if off Insta, but they had come through on a person of notes blue check marked Insta profile as a message, which piqued my curiosity, not going to lie, as I had never sent a message or commented on any of their posts. They obviously were watching me, because they said that I had liked a lot of their posts, which was true.

Backstory: I used to be an administrator for several webpages over the years, where I would have to hand out justice to trolls, this is basically the same, so I came to play.

As I went into this conversation with this person, who was fronting to be someone famous, I have dealt with folks in various industries, in various facets. I also have worked for an internet hosting provider and have built and administered websites. I understand the basics of the internet, how domains work, what drives an email, et cetera, this is ALL crucial to this tale and hopefully is educational to some folks who are unaware of such things.

Back to the story.

They started innocently enough, with general questions about their work and my thoughts on that and that they had work dropping and if I had purchased that and sent me to what appeared to be a legitimate site. Once we slid over to chat, on a different platform, They tried to charm me, and also love bomb me, which really gets my hackles up, seriously, if you don’t have enough gravitas, why are you trying to sweep me off my feet? Do I strike you as some simple flower waiting to be plucked? Well then, the joke is on you.

As I said, it was all, love, light and flowers, so many flowers, so many I love yous. FYI RED FLAGs to those who don’t know better. In response, I was always, I can only be your friend, because proper expectations should always be set, when dealing with folks, even scammers, because you have to work from a point of believability in order to gain their trust.  I learned this skill from my monster to other folks, mother, mine was a psychopath, so monster.

I learned from a fairly adept mistress of the art of deception and denial. She always painted a pretty picture and illusion, for some hapless man to fall for, hook, line and sinker.  I was always stunned at how gullible they were, if I can see right through her, why couldn’t you? Because the lie is easier to swallow than the simple truth and to live in denial, was the fairytale.

Do I believe these are valuable talents? Do I believe we should operate from this construct? No, but if you got the skills and someone is trying to take you for something, then by all means, scam the scammer, whack the troll and show them the mirror, which is what I intended to do.

I let the line run, let the fish play themselves out, waiting for the reveal and hook to set.  I might hate fishing, because I have no patience for it, but in this instance, spinning a tale from threads of truth was actually quite entertaining.  I also learned a heaping helping about myself in the process and some of the spots, I had yet to heal from aforementioned childhood and relationships.

Love bomb, love bomb, oh wait, she is not responding, they pivot to asking about essentials, did you sleep? Have you eaten? If so, what? How much? I had requested they stop that non-sense, as I could not ever reciprocate, from a purely online relationship, it would only ever be friendship.

They asked for an address, I would fly off the handle and rip them to shreds (because I have well known trust issues and I may have leaned into that narrative). They assured me they could do nothing with my address, it wasn’t like they were asking for my bank info. I still laugh at that.

We discussed things, things that folks may or may not know, whether true or not. My life is on my blog, I have not hidden any of my demons, I am quite upfront with all who know me, what they are and some of them I am quite proud of, even if others disapprove, these were the things that kept me alive, truly.

They thought they knew me, they thought they could play me against myself, but oh children, it was that hook setting, they just did not see it. I never once, let myself slip into the narrative they spun, but I did have to operate from a level of belief in the web I spun, my own narrative, to achieve the authenticity to make them not see what I was doing.

They said they were sending me a gift, I had it sent to work, because trust issues. I wanted witnesses and proof of receipt.

Said package came, in discussing with one of my friends, in on this, they said to me, THAT is not inexpensive!  Apparently, the box with the worlds tiniest cake inside with flowers and butterflies costs some money. Why anyone would think to not warn me the gift would attack, would be in their best interests is beyond me, but there we were. I lifted the lid, expecting it to do something, but not outright attack me with a dozen butterflies, was at least 20 WTAFs being uttered and what fresh hell is this? (Yes, what I actually uttered).  I was completely at a loss, what game is this?

Did I eat the cake, no, I am not huge into sweets, and I am terrifically picky and snooty about it, as I bake and have standards. How could something so small be anything worth eating? I packed up the butterflies and stored the box away. I kept the shipping label, as proof. I may have yelled about the gift and how I felt attacked by the butterflies, as I was not expecting it.  They said they wanted to brighten my day and bring a smile to my face. I told them it did that, in spite of the attack.

Mainly I told stories, they told some stories, and I shared my work, because I am a writer and storyteller. They asked if I had told anyone about them, I said yes, they seemed surprised I had not told more, but honestly, I did not look for this, so I told my trusted few, who were in on it.

They wanted to meet me, they wanted to come here and buy property. They wanted me to act as their agent, I said I could not, because I am not a realtor, nor would I want to be in this market. They asked me for locations to look at, I named a few, that would meet the needs they outlined for me and an agent I knew of locally.

This went on for several weeks, each week, they proclaimed that they knew me and knew we were destined to be together (who comes up with this line?) and that we were fated to know each other and be in each other’s lives. I would eye roll and say, all I can be is your friend. They professed a love for me, unmet and I just said, I need to hear your voice, or can we video chat and I would continually get the same lame excuse, every time I asked. It was my line in the sand, proof of who they were.

The excuse, they had no phone, because the number kept getting spread around and it was a big hassle. I asked how they arranged meetings and talked with collaborators? How do you function without one? They kept swatting it away, and I kept demanding it.

They sent no photos of themselves. They only sent photos of bouquets of flowers, as if this was supposed to entice me and keep me satisfied. Sad for them, I know my worth and what my needs are, and they were not meeting them by a good country mile.

One of the last times we exchanged conversations, on the real person’s account, the account went live with a birthday party, they were sharing with their fans. This person talked to me during the whole thing like they were them, but yet, I had proof that this was in fact a lie.  This was not the first time this occurred, but this was humorous to me, nevertheless.

The day before, they casually dropped that they had purchased me a gift and were sending a copy of their latest work, which they wanted my thoughts of. They had insured it and included 500 dollars to pay me back should I need to cover anything. I told them I would not be able to pay for it, they said, it should be no more than 10 or 15, and I came back with, that is not what you just said. I told them I did not ask for this gift and I would not accept it. They got very angry at this point with me, for my refusal.

At this point I upped the ante and said, I need to meet you, they had told me that they had dreamed of me holding them and I asked that they come and visit, or that this would never happen, as I could never fall for someone I had not met. Then they said it would happen the next weekend. They would come and visit me from Europe, they would fit me into their schedule, and we would spend the day together.

They asked what that would look like, I pulled out some places I know of and take my people too, when they come to visit, to get a taste of the cities. I laid it out, sent links of local places. They said claimed to be excited about the visit and meeting me, their heart and soul mate finally!

I told them I had plans, but would work them in, they sounded a bit offended that I would “work them in” as I had plans, it was okay for them, but not me. They asked to meet my family, I said I would check.

Then decided to take a break, as if I am upset and needed time to myself, when in reality, I had a busy weekend and just did not want to deal with any of this, so I could enjoy my weekend, without putting up the charade of playing along.  (I needed a weekend off from this, as it was work at this point to continue to spin the plates in a convincing matter). The bogus tracking number and web address gave me the perfect foil for this argument.

At this point, I was weary of the daily love bombing, the flowers, the messages that I was meant to be with them, it was destined, they knew me, they knew we were designed for each other. If you have never had this happen, it is exhausting, when it is insincerely meant, because you can feel it, but you may not realize what it is you’re feeling and if you have not had this before, it could feel like love, which it is not, it is manipulation, designed to control you. I grew up with this, so I recognized this manipulation, it felt familiar in a way that instantly makes me uncomfortable, as it reminds me of my childhood and how my monster (mother) would try and get me to do things.

I then popped back on earlier than I said I would (my manipulation). They had sent messages to let me know they were trying to not offend or intrude, but they sent the messages to reconnect.  I sent a message that I was back, and I wondered if they followed up with their PA, who supposedly sent this mystery package, as to why they gave them the bogus information, which had a suspicious donation button, I did not click. In looking at the web address ending in a .ml domain name, this told me it was a MALI country code and the shipping company they claimed was shipping the non-existent package, was not based out of that country and also did not have that domain name either. And as I said before, there is no seven-digit tracking number anymore, we are way beyond that at this point, they are at minimum 12-16 digits, and I have not seen a purely numerical one either.

All these things were big red freak flags flying and I thought to myself, how many folks have no idea? How many would just take this scammer at face value? Them having spent money on a thing for them and then think nothing about this bogus package being sent to me from Italy in a 4-day window. How many folks would fall for this, because their self-esteem was so poor, they would lap up this love bombing? Have they not watched a single scam of the week offering from Netflix? How sheltered are you to not be aware that there are folks out there with nothing better to do than sit around and play a long game to get access to their account information?

For me, my training at the knee of a psychopath who pulled this sort of thing, long game, on men, for all of my childhood, and having a front row seat of a masterclass, I saw it coming, I knew what it would feel like, and it felt familiar. Eerily familiar.

I discussed this with one of my sisters, she had someone make a scam run on her, online and they eventually dropped the boom and asked for money, but their ploy was they had something happen and needed money for this “emergency”, she dropped them like a hot potato and called them on it, on the way out the door. She warned me, when I first told her about this “friendship” and I told her, I was well aware that this was more than likely a scam, but who was to say I could not enjoy it?

Back to the reconnect after time away. They said that their PA was out, and they would follow up with them in the AM, as it was very late in the evening there. They asked how I knew something went sideways, what indicated what was wrong with the tracking. I then launched into an explicit impromptu education on the workings of the internet, a domain name and how it interacts with all the pieces and what was required to operate a bogus site. 

For those that don’t know, your domain, is the address of your website. Think of it like, the White House, is actually 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, Washington DC, USA, but colloquially it is known as The White House and we all know where it is. Your domain name is exactly the same, the colloquial address of your website. An email address is based on a domain name, it is powered by it, if you will, so @email.com, is never really a real address, in most cases.  The rest is more nuanced and would probably blow a few fuses in the description than worth speaking to. This concludes our tiny lesson on domains and emails and internet addresses.

In having relayed this, I am then offered a job to build their website, which instantly makes me refuse, because I know they want my money, and I am certain that I would never get paid. I say no and goodnight, as I am exhausted by this. I can sense my time of commitment to this is winding down and so I just play the trust issue card hard and daily.

I ask for them to call me, to hop on a zoom chat/call, if they can’t commit to an actual phone. They said that when they get home, they’d unpack that phone and call me. I think they knew they needed to assuage my doubts and get me back on board.

They asked if the package had shown itself, I told them it had not, because I knew and they knew, but I said, there is no package, they said, no that can’t be, they acted all panicked that there was no package delivered. I told them, if it ever showed, I would let them know right away. They calmed down.

On the heels of that I asked about them coming that weekend, they assured me yes, yes, they would be there, nothing would stop them. I wished them a good night and went to bed.

Woke the next morning to more flowers and messages dripping with love and how this is meant to be. I swear they must be reading those Harlequin Romances, because this is just so saccharine sweet, it makes me ill. The day goes on and I get a message from them.  They need me to email their management and arrange a meeting. I am like what? I need to what now?

I need to email their management for a meet and greet, to arrange the trip.  I ask why? They say because of things, that they are supposed to be somewhere, and if they are popping off somewhere else, he had to let them know, and it was on me to do that. I looked up the rates for a meet and great and I flung back at them, I’m sorry, I won’t be doing that.

They came back hurt, why would you not? Do you not want to meet me? I retorted with; I am not in the habit of buying my friends. They then reminded me how much they loved me, how we were destined to be and that this was hurting them. I asked why? Why would I write to a bogus email address to inquire to a non-existent management company, that I would pay that kind of money, which I do not have, mind you, to see you?

They were pleading with me to write their management, otherwise they would not come. I then dropped the hammer.

I am angry, it was the day after the shooting in Texas, after the weekend shooting in Buffalo and the wholesale carnage and slaughter and if you followed me on Insta and kept up, you’d know I was seething at this point with rage, because I know what assault weapons do to the human body and I know what folks had to id, as a veteran, as a human, as a mother, daughter, I was righteously angry and I let all that anger out on this idiot on the other side of the chat, who thought they would play me for a payday.

It did not help that it was also the two-year anniversary of the George Floyd Murder in front of witnesses and replayed by news agencies ad nauseum, as I was certain this current set of slaughters would be.

And if I have the opportunity to turn my rage and anger into something positive, I was more than willing to channel it thusly.

I flat out told them, I would not pay to see them, I would not reach out to their agency for this, that if they were truly my friend and believed as they so stated, they would be a bloody man and do it themselves, not hide behind the skirts of a woman to do the job. That if that package ever showed up, I would send it straight back and have nothing more to do with them.

Gloves came off and I had the hook set and I reeled them in and then tossed them on the shore, not in a bucket, to die in the sun a slow and painful death.

I logged off.

I had a conversation with my sister and she said, did they write back? I said I did not know. Well now, she’d done it, because honestly, I stayed off, and now I’d have to go and check.

They had, they asked if I was alright?

I said, no, I was still angry, and it would never leave me.

They then tried again, with the I love you; I have been worried about you.

I said, it is what it is.

They told me they had indeed continued on their journey.

They then said, so you have certainly gotten the package by now?  

I said, ask your PA.

They said their PA had given them what they gave me.

I said, no and we both knew it was never coming. I then restated the bogus tracking number and email address and how this all adds up to no package.

They said, what do you mean by that?

I then encouraged them to look in the mirror and look at those they work with and think about it long and hard, because we all know it does not exist and they should be ashamed.

I then stopped chatting and turned them in, the whole conversation, to show what they were up to and make sure they got dealt with.

I also alerted the account of the person they were impersonating as well.

Now I am alerting you.

Anyone who reaches out and slides into your dms, saying all sorts of sweet things, is not sincere, without a prior relationship. Do I need to say this again?

You were not destined to meet, you are not soul mates, they are not so in love with you and have been watching you, well the watching you part might be real, but that is to size you up.

Take your photo of yourself off and replace it with an object, place or pet. This keeps the creeper accounts away.

Do NOT send money to anyone you do not actually know, and even then, don’t send money to anyone who says they know you.

Do not open unsolicited emails, especially with links or that lead to pages asking for money without the PADLOCK showing in the address bar and turned green (it is the indicator that they site has been vetted and approved for online money/information exchange.)

If it seems too good to be true, it is.

While you are special, you are not THAT special, sorry, but true.

Things I learned, I am always open to a conversation, I will engage and poke and prod and figure out what is going on, because that is who I am, the person who takes things apart to understand how they work and put them back together or toss them, if they prove defective. Machines, toys, people, the whole of my life has been this level of engagement.

Being the spectator and unwilling participant in my childhood horror show, I understand motivations and expectations. I understand how to read a room and operate accordingly. I also recognize what I am and am not willing to tolerate, period.

I work with vulnerable populations in my moonlighting gig. I know games and see them all day long. I know when I am being manipulated and I am certain some of these folks think some kind of way about me that I will let them think, until it comes time for the cold hard truth.

These are the things I learned to survive, now I turn these tools into helping me thrive in my adult life and avoid some very painful “relationships”, or players, looking to run a game. I can look back at my painful and harrowing childhood and see it for what it was and what it taught me.

I don’t look at these lessons as things that happened to me, but things that happened for me, to understand and grow from. I found a lot about myself and some landmines I still have laying about, that in solitude you cannot heal, so oddly enough, I enjoyed the exercise, but am in no big hurry to replicate it.

Again, it taught me what I was and was not comfortable with and willing to tolerate for the sake of a “friendship”.

-Namaste and surf safely folks.